Rightfully So

Officials for the Summer 2008 Olympics to be held in Beijing today introduced the young women who would serve as presenters during the medal ceremonies, a cadre of fine Asian hotties guaranteed to put a little Kung-Pow in this year’s games, if you know what I mean.

Young women from all across China have spent the last several months training to become the curvy, buxomy dream-girls that would be the very public face of the games. Demonstrating centuries of cultural poise and courtesy, the girls paraded across the stage for international journalists like a voluptuous army of Stepford-ian sexbots. In a land known for its many tasty delicacies, there were no limp noodles in the house after this demonstration, if you catch my drift.

Some in the international community decried the sexualization of the young women, saying the presentation of such perfect, imminently humpable young nubiles discriminated against women in general and perpetuated an unhealthy stereotype of the female form. The organizer of today’s event responded with a statement that, roughly translated, said, “Uh, duh.” to which he also added, “No shit, Sherlock.”

The Chinese Ambassador to the United States also issued a statement in defense of his country’s actions. “I find it very hypocritical that the United States, a country that drinks congealed bacon fat for breakfast yet idolizes 80 pound supermodels, would accuse us presenting an unhealthily ideal woman. These young women are China’s future, our sexy, sexy future. Our doctors, lawyers, scientists, and political leaders of tomorrow. It is merely an added bonus that they’re the kind of woman you would want to bend over the hood of your car and make sweet love to until the bovines return to the place where they live. Am I saying that right?”

Indeed, as the journalists covering today’s event filed out of the auditorium, many already thought they had caught a serious case of “yellow fever.” “I liked the one on the end,” said a European newspaperman. “I’m quite a cook, I’d like to take her back to my apartment and let her try some of my Hung Way Low, if you catch my unsubtle sexual innuendo.”

I would like to know when someone decided the following were Christmas songs. They are not, and it is not debatable. Nor is it the ranting of some random Internet loon. It is fact. Much like Die Hard is Christmas movie.

• My Favorite Things - I’m sure some marketing executive was lying awake at night, wonder how he could make Christmas more materialistic, when instead of visions of sugar plums, Julie Andrews spoke to him. “My favorite things… Buy me my favorite things.” Of course, asking for kitten’s whiskers is a little sadistic.
• Angels Among Us - Yes, Angels are involved with Christmas, but they are heralding the birth of a king, not helping some kid who got lost taking a shortcut on the way home.
• Canon in D - I have no idea why this song has been played as a Christmas song. First it was creeping into the playlists of weddings everywhere, and now it’s a Christmas song? My goal is to have it played at my funeral. Then maybe people will equate it with death and stop playing it at weddings and at Christmas.

Pick your side in Good vs. Evil Foosball.

James gets first haircut in 10 years | Metro.co.uk:

A schoolboy has conquered a ten-year fear of the barber and had his 69cm (27in) hair chopped.

And no, it’s not some redneck, he’s actually English (although the 27in hair would’ve made a mean mullet).

Four in grueling ‘couch-potato’ contest - Yahoo! News:

[…] the Ultimate Couch Potato Contest against three challengers after watching for 30 consecutive hours a year ago.

Now if only they would have a sleeping title. Although I believe they let the contestants off a little too easily. They get a 5 minute break every hour. They shouldn’t let them have any breaks, including bathroom.

Wild Starz | Hollywood Gossip | Celebrity News:

Britney Spears, who was reportedly paid a whopping $300,000 to party down at Caeser’s Palace, rang in the new year being carried out of the party by her gnarly bodygaurds.

Although her manager paints a different picture:
Manager: Spears was asleep in club, ‘not drunk’ - CNN.com:

“By about one o’clock, she was just done, so we took her out,” Spears’ manager, Larry Rudolph, told The Associated Press Monday. “She was not drunk. She was just tired and falling asleep.”

I guess we’ll be seeing how she puts all this partying to work when she releases her new album this year.

Winona Daily News - 6.0:

For the first time since high school, I used a communal shower, without the security of a curtain. Not as in “Girls Gone Wild” as I alluded, but it was still a big deal for me, as it is for a great number of women.

It’s so weird that she is just now overcoming her fear. If I learned anything in college, all it took was some alcohol for most women to loose their fear of just about everything.

The Post-It Note Jaguar - a photoset on Flickr:

What we did to Walt’s Jaguar on Friday (not that I was there or anything…)

And productivity at the office drops to zero now that they are out of post-it notes.

Can Snoring Kill You?:

People with sleep apnea have short periods during sleep where they stop breathing. These periods last anywhere from 10 seconds to 40 seconds and can occur as many as 400 times per night. If you do the math, this means that the average person with sleep apnea spends more than three hours a night not breathing normally or not breathing at all.

Some of the symptons in the article include:

• Falling asleep during the day
• Trouble with memory and attention
• Irritability
• Decreased libido

Unfortunately, this describes a majority of the people that I know… At least I can feel safe that death might be knocking at their door.

How to help adult kids stand on their own two financial feet - Dec. 29, 2006:

More than 65% of graduates are moving back home, compared with 53% just five years ago. And while the difficult stages of childhood may have had lasting emotional impact, this one has financial ramifications galore for you - about $5,000 a year, on average, in assistance - and your kid.

And the coddling of America’s youth continues.