Officials for the Summer 2008 Olympics to be held in Beijing today introduced the young women who would serve as presenters during the medal ceremonies, a cadre of fine Asian hotties guaranteed to put a little Kung-Pow in this year’s games, if you know what I mean.

Young women from all across China have spent the last several months training to become the curvy, buxomy dream-girls that would be the very public face of the games. Demonstrating centuries of cultural poise and courtesy, the girls paraded across the stage for international journalists like a voluptuous army of Stepford-ian sexbots. In a land known for its many tasty delicacies, there were no limp noodles in the house after this demonstration, if you catch my drift.

Some in the international community decried the sexualization of the young women, saying the presentation of such perfect, imminently humpable young nubiles discriminated against women in general and perpetuated an unhealthy stereotype of the female form. The organizer of today’s event responded with a statement that, roughly translated, said, “Uh, duh.” to which he also added, “No shit, Sherlock.”

The Chinese Ambassador to the United States also issued a statement in defense of his country’s actions. “I find it very hypocritical that the United States, a country that drinks congealed bacon fat for breakfast yet idolizes 80 pound supermodels, would accuse us presenting an unhealthily ideal woman. These young women are China’s future, our sexy, sexy future. Our doctors, lawyers, scientists, and political leaders of tomorrow. It is merely an added bonus that they’re the kind of woman you would want to bend over the hood of your car and make sweet love to until the bovines return to the place where they live. Am I saying that right?”

Indeed, as the journalists covering today’s event filed out of the auditorium, many already thought they had caught a serious case of “yellow fever.” “I liked the one on the end,” said a European newspaperman. “I’m quite a cook, I’d like to take her back to my apartment and let her try some of my Hung Way Low, if you catch my unsubtle sexual innuendo.”