Rightfully So

It has been debated for ages: can geeks, nerds, or guys named “Ed” actually produce offspring? Until recently, the scientific consensus was “Bwaaaaa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! What a ludicrous notion!”

Revealed here, for the first time ever on the internet, is incontrovertible evidence to the contrary. Just check out this picture, where we see numerous geek-, nerd- and Ed-produced kids, all gathered into one space for this one photo.

Pictured, left to right, are Collins, Crider 2, Sommer, Crider 1, Villines 2, and Villines 1.

Experts tell us that the photo is doctored, using elaborate Photoshop techniques, and stand-in kids collected from various MySpace and Facebook pages.

“Just look at that so-called Collins kid,” says Maria van Dinkel, Executive Director of the Internet. “There’s no way such a darling little child could originate from her supposed father.”

Hoax, or for real? Sound off in the comments section.

I would like to know when someone decided the following were Christmas songs. They are not, and it is not debatable. Nor is it the ranting of some random Internet loon. It is fact. Much like Die Hard is Christmas movie.

• My Favorite Things - I’m sure some marketing executive was lying awake at night, wonder how he could make Christmas more materialistic, when instead of visions of sugar plums, Julie Andrews spoke to him. “My favorite things… Buy me my favorite things.” Of course, asking for kitten’s whiskers is a little sadistic.
• Angels Among Us - Yes, Angels are involved with Christmas, but they are heralding the birth of a king, not helping some kid who got lost taking a shortcut on the way home.
• Canon in D - I have no idea why this song has been played as a Christmas song. First it was creeping into the playlists of weddings everywhere, and now it’s a Christmas song? My goal is to have it played at my funeral. Then maybe people will equate it with death and stop playing it at weddings and at Christmas.