Like the blue team taking over a territory in a game of Domination on Unreal Tournament, the Democrats took over the House of Representatives in elections yesterday. The Democrats needed to do well in these midterms because it counts for 40% of their final grade and if they get academic probation again they would lose their scholarship and have to go back to working at Burger King and mowing lawns in the summer. However, like a frat guy bringing up the story about the time you peed yourself at a party to a girl that seemed totally into you, the Democrat win was cockblocked by the announcement of Britney Spears getting a divorce from Kevin Federline. “She could have left that loser anytime but she chose election day?” remarked Representative Tom Cutandrun. “This was supposed to be our big day and she stole our thunder,” said Senator Chip Gaymarriagerulz. When asked about the timing of her divorce filing Spears responded “Didn’t we just have an election last year? What’s a Democrat?” We will keep you updated on both these tragedies as they develop and rightfully so.