Rightfully So

Yes, it’s that most wonderful time of the year again… the time where conspicuous consumption and consumerism combine to create the Christmas celebration that lets your neighbors and co-workers know just how well-off you are…

After all, the more things a person has, the better he or she is. And, in the case of men, one’s quantity of things can also be used to determine who has the biggest penis. This is the reason for brisk holiday sales of enormous televisions.

And, if you’re like many Gen-Xers, you’ve managed to avoid killing yourself, found a person that can tolerate you, and, in some cases, actually reproduced. What better gift to give your child than toys featuring officially-licensed television characters?

Therefore, we present the first installment of the Rightfully So Holiday Shopping Guide.

Today’s item is the Dora the Explorer Aquapet.

Order your’s today from Amazon.com http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/B000IM15QI/

Like the blue team taking over a territory in a game of Domination on Unreal Tournament, the Democrats took over the House of Representatives in elections yesterday. The Democrats needed to do well in these midterms because it counts for 40% of their final grade and if they get academic probation again they would lose their scholarship and have to go back to working at Burger King and mowing lawns in the summer. However, like a frat guy bringing up the story about the time you peed yourself at a party to a girl that seemed totally into you, the Democrat win was cockblocked by the announcement of Britney Spears getting a divorce from Kevin Federline. “She could have left that loser anytime but she chose election day?” remarked Representative Tom Cutandrun. “This was supposed to be our big day and she stole our thunder,” said Senator Chip Gaymarriagerulz. When asked about the timing of her divorce filing Spears responded “Didn’t we just have an election last year? What’s a Democrat?” We will keep you updated on both these tragedies as they develop and rightfully so.

John Kerry, who you may remember from the 2004 Presidential election or from when he played Lurch in the 1960s TV show The Addams Family, has returned from obscurity this week ready to try his hand at the world of stand-up comedy. Kerry was trying out some of his new material at a campaign event for a fellow Democrat. Many comedians have a catch phrase or hook like Jeff Foxworthy’s “you might be a redneck” or Larry The Cable Guy’s “Git-R-Done” and Kerry is fallowing in their footsteps with his tagline “you get stuck in Iraq.” “Stay in school and get an education, or you get stuck in Iraq.” This joke has caused some controversy among military personnel but Kerry says people need to deal with it. “I want to be one of those edgy comics like Dave Chapelle or Carlos Mencia.” Kerry remarked. Some of his other jokes from the night included, “If you got rejected from a job at Wal-Mart because your SAT scores were too low, you get sent to Iraq. If illegal immigrants correct your grammar, you get sent to Iraq.” Reviews of Kerry’s performance were definitely mixed. “I don’t know what’s more offensive, the jokes’ content or the fact that they aren’t funny,” said internet critic Ken Opinionface. Democrat Oliver Liberalstein responded, “I thought his set was hilarious, he really zinged Bush.. or the troops… or whoever that was directed towards.” Kerry says the event was a learning experience and that he will work on his material before his next public appearance, or he’ll disappear back into obscurity. One of those two things.