As you may (or may not) know, I am an adjunct faculty at the local post-secondary education institution. (Translated from the academic-speak, this means I am a part-time instructor at a community college.) While many of you out in non-academia may think that summer is just getting started, here in our ivory towers, we’re already thinking to the future.

For the fall semester, there are several new classes that have been added to the curriculum in order to keep current with the changing technology and business marketplace. Here is a summary.

MTH 404 - Internet Math
In cosmology and thermodynamics, physicists say with a straight face that “2 plus 2 equals five, for large values of 2.” In this class learn how to apply this useful nebulosity to modern internet quantities like “mindshare,” “traction” and “eyeballs.” A final project requires that students use internet math to prove how 2 plus 2 can, in certain circumstances, equal 5,000,000.

CIT 500 - Enterprise Application Development
Students learn how to leverage Microsoft’s .NET environment and thousands of developer-hours to assemble millions of lines of code into a scalable, robust application that would otherwise take a knowledgeable computer whiz a few weeks to crank out in Python.

CIT 503 - Enterprise Application Development II
Same as CIT 500, but using Java.

MKT 302 -Dimensionless Marketing
Use pro forma presence indicators to adaptively enhance corporate resources in order to dramatically administrate performance based intellectual capital and organic knowledge resources management. A multi-tined approach to dynamic matrices and vertical vector alignment enhances the pedagogy.

FIN 402 - Finance for Internet Startups
A fresh mixture of modern finance methods yield a new quantitative statistical metric that can create fast results for a rising internet business. Learn how dividing by zero can generate infinite revenue growth, infinite cash flow, and infinite customer growth.

LOB 101 - Introduction to Lobbying
Why use technology advances or process improvements to further a business enterprise when, for half the cost, your elected legislators would be happy to enact laws that stifle your competition?

ENG 011 - Words for Internet Trolls
Learn the correct spelling and usage of words when astroturfing on internet forums. Another words your a looser if you except instruction at a diffrent school why should the class be exasturbated if u cant even sea that