The Solution to Immigration Problems
By RC
Right now there is a debate going on in Congress over what to do about all the illegal immigrants coming into the U.S. from Mexico. As with most debates, neither the Republicans nor the Democrats asked me what to do in this situation. No one wants these aliens to take away jobs from American workers so all we have to do is give them a job nobody else wants, personal butlers. Richie Rich, Batman, The Fresh Prince, they all had butlers and now its time the middle class gets them too. Under my plan each illegal immigrant would be issued suit and then shipped out to a middle class family. There they could do simple tasks that you don’t want to do like cleaning, cooking, bringing you drinks and organizing your Sega cartridges. Never again would you have to take out the trash or run out to the store in the middle of the night because you are craving pancakes. There are still some details to be worked out like how the aliens would get paid, where the suits would come from and how to keep the U.S. economy from collapsing but I am sure these things would all work out somehow. It’s time that the middle class gets to lead the extravagant lifestyle that the rest of the world already thinks we have.
April 26th, 2006 at 1:08 pm
How can RC claim that “butler” is a job that nobody wants? Mr. Belvedere, Mr. French, Duckworth, Lurch… the list goes on and the adulation is never-ending.
Think of it: choosing other people’s clothes, preparing meals, unlimited access to a variety of cleaning products, organizing video games… who could ask for more?
I would much rather be a butler that a mindless IT drone…
April 26th, 2006 at 3:14 pm
RC, you’ll have to take out the trash on your own, if your alien is female….that’s never been done before!
May 15th, 2006 at 11:53 pm
You talk about “illegal aliens” as if they are some unwanted pest, a cockroach in your kitchen. Have you ever stopped and thought about why they might have moved here to begin with, how bad it can be in the country they came from to begin with? And if you haven’t noticed, these “illegal aliens” are already doing the jobs that no one else wants, and getting underpaid for, working the fields and cleaning as janitors. Before you want to boss someone around to clean for you, take respect in what you have and clean your own damned house.
May 16th, 2006 at 7:33 am
Sara, I think you’re missing the point of this site. It’s a joke.
And while I personally believe that immigrants are an important aspect of our economy, they have also suppressed wages. Wages for meat packers in the 80’s was around $19 an hour. Now it’s minimum wage.
How bad can Mexico be? They squandered the lead time they had on China with NAFTA. They could’ve increased their infrastructure and built up an industrial force that would be getting the jobs that are going to China. Instead, for ten years, they did nothing to compete against China for jobs, and are now feeling the effects.
If I had a solution that would make everyone happy, I probably would be a very rich person!
p.s. I do clean my own house.
May 16th, 2006 at 11:38 am
LOLOL an irate comment about a joke news item. That is hilarious. I feel like I’ve finally made it as a writer.