The Geeks Guide To NCAA Basketball
By RC
Anyone who works in an office knows you have to come up with things to do to take your mind off of the soul crushing. For March this means filling out brackets for NCAA basketball. “But RC, I am a geek who doesn’t know anything about sports”. Not a problem. With my help you’ll be fitting in with the normies in no time.
First let me give you some background. About 20 years ago some of the colleges around the country decided to play basketball against each other. However, people could care less about college basketball so ESPN invented tournament brackets to add gambling into the mix and increase TV ratings. Thus, March Madness was born.
So how do you fill out a bracket? First, you go to Google and type in “sports”. This should take you to a web page that has printable NCAA brackets. Make sure you pick the correct year and that you do not pick the women’s tournament. You will then pick which team you think will win at each round until you get to the championship. The number beside each team name is their rank. Ranks are based on which college has more hot drunk chicks with MySpace pages. You can’t base everything on these ranks though, there are other methods to determine who you think will win.
Most newbies will choose winners based on which name they like better. Tennessee is a much cooler name than Winthrop for example. There is one team named Bradley, and I know someone named Bradley, so I’ll pick them. Another team is named Xavier, who is the leader of the X-Men, so they are surely going to go far. You can also go by who would win in a fight between the two mascots. A panther could definately kill a golden flash. I don’t even know what a golden flash is. Lastly you can try to eliminate schools that you don’t think actually exist. George Mason? Everyone knows George Mason sacrificed his own life flying a nuclear bomb out of LA during season 2 of 24. Nice try NCAA. Gonzaga sounds like a character on Fraggle Rock so I am pretty sure they are made up as well. Now see Oral Roberts has a funny name, but Memphis has a lot higher MySpace slut rating, so that will be a judgement call. Follow these strategies yourself and you may not win anything, but at least you will be participating the hell out of this game.
March 16th, 2006 at 4:10 pm
how do you find the rating of myspace college pageS?
March 16th, 2006 at 9:52 pm
You knowledge about college sports is eerie. Are you going to play your Gameboy during the game?
March 17th, 2006 at 10:59 am
Gonzaga is a type of cheese, dammit!
March 17th, 2006 at 11:04 am
RC, another angle you neglected to mention regarding the NCAA tournament is the slacking.
Everybody in my office has spent a goodly chunk of the morning going over their brackets, discussing games, and visiting various basketball-related websites. About a third of the office is taking personal time this afternoon to go home (or to a bar) to watch the games.
Now, as geeks, we can’t be expected to get into all this hoopla (har!) like the normies, but, we can pretend, and, if the end result is increased shirking, then I heartily endorse pretending to give a crap.
May 2nd, 2006 at 8:00 am
[…] Following the success of my Geeks Guide To NCAA Basketball I decided to write more articles to help geeks fit in with outside world. Studies show that 98% of the world is outside your basement. Unless you live in a Bio-Dome (the actual facility not the Pauly Shore movie), you’re going to have contact with this world, but with my help you can get through it. […]