Rightfully So

I received an urgent e-mail message from Professor Mpondwe Nahabuto at the City University of Lagos, imploring me to assist him with negotiating some complex international financial procedures, and I was compelled to respond.

I had heard about other people receiving similar messages, and I was skeptical about why Dr. Nahabuto would have chosen me to aid him. But, I knew it was urgent, and perhaps risky not to help. Why, in April 2003, a Mrs. Edwina McMason of North Larchmont, Vermont, carelessy ignored a similar Nigerian plea, and, four weeks later, she found a bunion on her left foot. Also, in September 2005, 17-year-old Abby Applequints from Pussywillow High School in Highland, Kansas deleted a similar Nigerian e-mail message, and later that school-year, she could not find a prom date, and instead was forced to spend what would have been the most beautiful night of her life at home reading a book.

In my case, I figured I could avoid a similar senseless tragedy by responding to Dr. Nahabuto. We exchanged contact information, and I agreed to help him in any way that I could.

(more…)

Anyone who works in an office knows you have to come up with things to do to take your mind off of the soul crushing. For March this means filling out brackets for NCAA basketball. “But RC, I am a geek who doesn’t know anything about sports”. Not a problem. With my help you’ll be fitting in with the normies in no time.

First let me give you some background. About 20 years ago some of the colleges around the country decided to play basketball against each other. However, people could care less about college basketball so ESPN invented tournament brackets to add gambling into the mix and increase TV ratings. Thus, March Madness was born.

So how do you fill out a bracket? First, you go to Google and type in “sports”. This should take you to a web page that has printable NCAA brackets. Make sure you pick the correct year and that you do not pick the women’s tournament. You will then pick which team you think will win at each round until you get to the championship. The number beside each team name is their rank. Ranks are based on which college has more hot drunk chicks with MySpace pages. You can’t base everything on these ranks though, there are other methods to determine who you think will win.

Most newbies will choose winners based on which name they like better. Tennessee is a much cooler name than Winthrop for example. There is one team named Bradley, and I know someone named Bradley, so I’ll pick them. Another team is named Xavier, who is the leader of the X-Men, so they are surely going to go far. You can also go by who would win in a fight between the two mascots. A panther could definately kill a golden flash. I don’t even know what a golden flash is. Lastly you can try to eliminate schools that you don’t think actually exist. George Mason? Everyone knows George Mason sacrificed his own life flying a nuclear bomb out of LA during season 2 of 24. Nice try NCAA. Gonzaga sounds like a character on Fraggle Rock so I am pretty sure they are made up as well. Now see Oral Roberts has a funny name, but Memphis has a lot higher MySpace slut rating, so that will be a judgement call. Follow these strategies yourself and you may not win anything, but at least you will be participating the hell out of this game.