Due to the war on terror, the White House announced today a new bathroom policy. “We’ve been too lax about the enemy knowing our bowel movements”, said Secretary of Restrooms Arnold Poopschtick. Remodeling of the bathrooms have been secretly taking place at night under the new moon. One of the most controversial changes is the removal of the urinals from the men’s bathrooms. Poopschtick continues,”not only did terrorists know when we urinated or defecated, they were also able to single out those males in the White House that urinated sitting down”.

Another change will be soundproof bathroom stalls with doors and walls that go all the way to the floor. These will be augmented by the installation of speakers that provide new age music to ease those “not-so-regular” staff members.