Are you about to have a seizure from watching all those old stop motion Rankin-Bass Christmas specials on ABC Family Channel? No? Well, check out these other shows anyway.

Extreme Makover: 13 Candlewood Edition (ABC)
Ty Pennington and his crew of homemakers travel back in time to 1991 to remodel the disheveled hovel of some drunken college losers. Viewer Discretion Advised.

No Glove, No Love (Fox)
Ahmish boy Lars sets out from his family’s Pennsylvania farm on a quest to find a condom so he can consummate his love for the virtuous holstein cow Betsy. On tonight’s episode, Lars loses his beard in a craps game in Pittsburgh and must delve into the town’s seedy underworld in order to win it back.

The Wasted Years (Lifetime)
Andy Richter stars as Ed, A socially inept, middle-aged midwesterner dealing with the consequences of having spent his college years in a state on constant inebrieation, squandering the most formative years of his life and forcing him to seek attention by posting witless entries on a friend’s website. On tonight’s episode, Ed stays up late drinking cooking sherry and emailing old girlfriends; after he is arrested for violating several cease and desist orders, he must plead with his well-to-do friends from the Computer Mafia to secure his release.

Stern Warnings (CBS)
A group of senior citizens confined to an old-folks home write dire letters to local media outlets predicting the downfall of society. Tonight, “Grandma” Esther Suggs writes the New York Times a rambling letter about “these kids today and their rock and roll music.”

Eat Your Spouse (NBC)
Dan Cortez hosts this extreme reality show where married couples compete to win fabulous prizes by seeing which pair can eat more of each other. Tonight, see if Jeff and Shiela Atweiler can recover the lead lost when Jeff barfed up Shiela’s duodenum.

Judge Bladderspackle (Syndicated)
The Honorable Navin Bladderspackle presides over small-claims cases in backwoods Nutscrum County, North Carolina. This week the wife and non-incarcerated children of deceased Finster Snert gather to fight for their inheritance: the rat-infested rear seat from Snert’s 1970 Dodge Dart.