It is no wonder why children are always trying to cause trouble, because their toys are not nearly as cool as ours were. Recently I was browsing a local toy store looking at their action figure collection to see if I could find just one cool one. First I looked at the Spider-Man toys. Do you think I could find just a regular Spider-Man action figure? No. There was Aqua Blast Spider-Man, Rocket Blast Spider-Man, Soak ‘N Toss Spider-Man and even Spider-Man driving an 4-Wheeler. A 4-Wheeler!? What the fuck does Spider-Man need a 4-Wheeler for? I can’t think of a mode of transportation that would be less beneficial to Spider-Man than a 4-Wheeler. Next, I saw the Batman toys. Now Batman Begins was really good movie, so it probably has better toys right? Wrong. I see Ultra Armor Batman, Anti-Freeze Batman (which doesn’t actually spray anti-freeze at people), Inline Attack Batman, and Battle Cape Batman. Each Batman is more bright neon than the one before. Apparently the Caped Crusader likes to be safe when he’s jogging at night.

The last group of action figures I came across are the ones where the hero is stuck in one pose and has no moving parts. I can’t imagine a kid wanting to play with an Obi-wan that is permenently stuck in mid swing. I think these toys are only for computer programmers to put on their desk. So after thirty minutes of browsing action figures I couldn’t find a single one that looked cool and would be fun to play with. Maybe action figures are on their way out like many other toys before them. I mean, when was the last time you saw a toy made out of metal?