This dirty little secret needs to be exposed. What are we going to do about the crap deficit? For the past few years I have been taking crap from all kinds of people (bosses, annoyed neighbors, holier than thou clergy,…) and I haven’t given a crap about practically anything. I decided to do some investigative reporting (making stuff up) and here is what I found.

When I asked Earl Pomfry, a mild mannered 60ish chimney sweep, what his thoughts are on the crap deficit, he told me “Who in the hell are you?” When I pressed for further comment Pomfry added “Get away from me now before I call the cops you little punk!” I could tell that the amount of crap that this gentlemen has taken has reached extraordinary proportions. I was bolstered to continue my search and found another candidate for my survey.

Buffy Caddington, a sophomore at UC (University of The City) had a response that was so poignant, that I feel compelled to provide the transcript of our conversation.

Buffy: Are you following me?

Me: Do you give a crap?

Buffy: You are aware that this is a VERY public place?

Me: Buffy, has this place given you crap while you have been here?

Buffy: How do you know my name?

Me: It sounds like you have some strong feelings on this matter.

Buffy: I’m going to back up slowly and get that rent-a-cop over there.

Me: I feel your pain and thank you for your honest opinions.

As you can tell, people all over the world feel the same way I do. If this give-a-crap-deficit is not addressed soon, world chaos will overtake us.