The cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems
By Gozar
I went to my first college football game in 15 years this fall. Before I went, I was chastised when I asked how much a beer is at the game. Apparently, they don’t serve beer at college football games! I was stunned. If college taught me anything it was that alcohol is an important part of the learning process.
We hear about the party schools, but I never knew Yale and Harvard were such places. Apparently, during their annual face-off, in the past there would be as many people inside the stadium as there were in the parking lot. Now, administrators are cracking down on this behavior.
Harvard tightened its rules last year, requiring wristbands to prove people were old enough to drink. The school also limits the amount of alcohol that can be brought into the tailgate area. Yale followed suit this week, issuing eight new rules.
Among other things, drinking games will be banned along with related paraphernalia, such as the tables used to play beer pong.
Now we know what will cause the downfall of civilization. Not Bush, not Zombie Jesus, but drinking games and beer pong!
Drinking at college is as American as apple pie and strip clubs. When alcohol is criminialized, only criminals will have alcohol. Ask not what you can drink in this country, ask how much you can drink. Give me beer or give me death! Drink two if by land, one if by sea. Anyway, I digress.
Does the administration not realize the benefits of all this alcohol flowing freely? How is the nerdy wallflower supposed to be able to score without the drunk college girl? As Jerry Seinfeld has stated, 90-95% of people are undateable. Their only recourse is alcohol. Eat, drink, and be merry (and I think the original writer of this quote meant “be merry” to be a euphemism for “score”)!
October 31st, 2005 at 9:46 am
While Gozar’s sarcasm at the end is humorous and entirely warranted, I find the whole Yale/Harvard angle to be the most wacky… these are ivy-leaguers, at a sports event. Just wacky.
Also, at the risk of revealing my own “nerdy wallflower” status, what, exactly, is beer pong? Does it have anything to do with that ancient electronic table-tennis simulation?
October 31st, 2005 at 10:22 am
Here’s the wikipedia entry on it:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beer_pong
That entry also has a great picture of some drunk dude playing it.
Basically, you throw a ping pong ball across a ping pong table and try to get it in cups of beer. Apparently, drunk people can’t play ping pong very well, so they do this instead.
October 31st, 2005 at 11:18 am
Wow! Drinking games have sure evolved since I was an active participant. And to think… in my day, all we had was Quarters….. Of course, any game requiring a setup more elaborate than a shot glass would never have been played by me. Often it was difficult enough just to find somebody who had a quarter.